My husband Jim recently came out. Out of hiding on Facebook, that is. He had a username and photo that said nothing about his real identity, I guess because he just wanted to keep it small. I don't know what happened, but at some point, he decided to be himself. It didn't take very long for a friend to come out of the simulated woodgrain. I can't say "out of the woodworks," it's too organic to use as computer lingo.

And when I said "friend," I meant a real friend, not just a "Facebook friend." You know the term. It's reserved for somebody whose acquaintance you've met, but you aren't close. On the other hand, you are close enough that when there's a request to connect, you feel bad if you ignore it. Come to think of it, Facebook may have started using the word "ignore" instead of "reject," in order to encourage connections.

Back to Jim. He's been out of hiding for about a week, and he has gotten at least one friend request daily. He's remembering that there are actually people from high school that he liked and had great times with. This is a huge, weird step, friends. Jim hasn't gone to any of his high school reunions because he simply couldn't think of anyone he wanted to see again. Lots of people feel that way about going "back to that place." I don't have this problem, since I'm Miss Social, but I'm sure a few readers here have uttered something similar to the following.

"Why on earth would I want to pay for a suit to be cleaned just so I can drive across town, eat dry chicken, listen to a cover band rehash my teen angst and pretend I have something in common with these people from forty'leven years ago?!"

The answer is: because you just met them again on Facebook, read their profile, and decided you have quite a bit in common with them. Classmate #1 is the reason you still say "neato p-frito." Classmate #2 remembers that you named your first car Tallulah. Classmate #3 has lived right up the street, unbeknownst to you for eight years and teaches math to your monkeys.

Jim told me that he had "friended" (I'm just using those quotes once, and then you'll have to pretend it's a real verb)
the brother of a best buddy from high school. Next, Jim said he just friended a girl who used to live across the street from him. They hung out all the time, and said he was the first one she looked up when she joined Facebook. Oh boy, can you see his noggin swelling?

Tonight, as I sat at the computer downstairs, trying to figure out what to write about this week, other than Salineoween again (a huge benefit festival and concert on Saturday, October 31st - info at Salineoween.com), my cell phone rang in front of me on the desk. It was Jim calling from the bedroom upstairs, where he had been tapping away on the laptop. The invisible laser beams emanating from my eyes burned a perfect arc in the wall as they slowly pivoted upward and down. I hit the green button. "Hello?"

"Hey." He knows I'm burning brain power to write this here column, so why's he ringing up my desk?

"Uhhh... what's up?"

I hear a faint suck of air and then this giddy blast through the receiver: "I like Facebook!"

I am not as excited, but I'm smugly amused. I take a deep breath and make dimples in my cheeks then give him my assessment: "Ooooold newwwwwws."

I could see his head tilt 15 degrees through the phone. "You're the second person to say that to me today!"

What a maroon!

Hey, look what happened here. I’m done making fun of Jim and I have some space left. Welp, I’ll just have to tell you some more cool stuff about Salineoween…

I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie, “The Big Lebowski,” and I haven’t, but the guy who’s running one of the festival games has. Look up the movie and figure out why you'll approach a "dude" in a bathrobe and bowl for answers.

I know you’ve read a “Peanuts” comic strip where Lucy gives psychiatric advice for 5¢. We’ve got an app – I mean a booth for that too. Only, inflation has made it a dollar to get your head solved.

In the afternoon, there will be the spectacle of the “Unofficial State Nut Queen Pageant.” It's for those blessed with “inner beauty.” You must be over 30 years old, dress in a muumuu and accessorize accordingly. You must compete in categories such as bubble blowing, hula hooping and duet with Elvis. The honor of winning this pageant comes with a dollar store tiara and a sack of nuts.

Lastly, don't miss out on stepping up for the pies. This is not an eating contest. Get there early so you can grab a pie and hurl it at local folks like Senator Shane Broadway, Sheriff Bruce Pennington, and even "Crazy" Craig O'Neill!

For more details about the performances, the schedule, how you can enter a contest, and the awesome evening concert planned with headliner, ZOSO: The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience, see www.salineoween.com.

This column was originally published in the Benton Courier on Sunday, October 25, 2009. See more of Shelli's columns.